My bad day....
I suppose this all started after we returned from our Honeymoon in March.
Matt and I knew that we wanted to start trying for a family as soon as we got home, and so we got to work right away. I don't think I realized how excited and ready I was until each month passed and my favorite Aunt Flo would arrive.
And then in happened, June came and I took a pregnancy test and had a positive result. Matt was going to be home from work at 11:00am but there was no way I could wait 3 hours to tell him so I called. We were both so excited.
Later that afternoon I started experiencing the worst cramps I've ever had. They stopped for a few hours and then returned until 1am. I had done a lot of reading about implantation cramping and assumed that's what was happening, but knowing I would need to see a doctor to get a confirmation on the pregnancy I went to a clinic first thing on Monday morning. The doctor confirmed a positive urine test, and I explained my symptoms from the previous evening, he suggested I go to emergency to get bloodwork completed and an ultrasound.
My Beta-HCG levels confirmed pregnancy, but it was still too early on to see anything on either of the ultrasounds they did. The cramps I explained were concern enough for a Ob/Gyn to meet with me and want to do follow up. She talked about her concerns, and sent me away with a lab requisition for bloodwork every 48 hours to ensure my HCG levels continued to rise. Waiting 2 days to get to the lab felt like forever. I emailed the doctor right away so she could watch for the results and get back to us. Thursday arrived and she confirmed that they were still going up...this was likely to be a healthy intrauterine pregnancy and asked me to wait for a call for an ultrasound at 8 weeks.
Weeks 4&5 -I continued to spot, and panic. The spotting would stop and I could breathe again. A few days later...more spotting and less breathing. I know what kind of pregnant person I am....an anxious one!
6 weeks pregnant- I woke up Monday morning and got ready for work, but by the time I drove downtown I was feeling terribly sick, and headachy. I assumed this was the start of morning sickness, but not expecting how awful I felt I cancelled my day and went home to rest. I woke up from a nap around 3pm and went to the bathroom. When I looked down I saw some clotting...I really panicked. I called Matt and headed to the hospital to see a doctor, but while I was waiting to get in I talked myself out of staying because the bleeding had stopped and I was probably overreacting, being the anxious basket case I can be at times. Looking back now, I should have listened to my body and trusted what I was feeling. Hindsight is always 20/20. I didn't sleep that night, I was awake all night stressing and crying because I could feel that something was wrong...I just knew it.
Tuesday morning I was an emotional, weepy mess so I called in sick to work because I knew I wouldn't be able to pull myself together. At 8:30am I started cramping again, but worse than the first time. I was in so much pain that my arms were tingling, everything around me was turning white and I had cold sweats. I got in the truck and drove myself to the hospital, also probably not the best idea. I arrived and called Matt, he was coming up after his shift at 11am. I spent the morning in complete pain trying to be a tough guy and not take any pain meds. Matt was not impressed with me because I was physically wincing in pain each time a cramp would happen. Finally I (Matt) asked for an IV with morphine, and that's where my afternoon gets fuzzy. It must have been around 2pm when the IV was put in my arm, the nurse came back to take my blood pressure a number of times because it was SO low and had a difficult time finding my pulse. I understand and know the feeling and look of someone who is trained to be calm in an emergency situation...I saw that look on the nurses face. She and Matt helped me to stand up and move to a room with a bed where I could lay down. Nurses were coming in and out of the room to ask questions, and see how I was feeling. Matt had to leave to pick up the truck from Toyota. 20 minutes after he left the ER doctor came in with the portable ultra sound, when he looked he saw fluid in my abdomen, I was bleeding internally.
The next thing I know I am meeting with a surgeon who needs to get me into surgery right away because I have an ectopic pregnancy that has ruptured. He asked about blood transfusions, and mentioned removing my fallopian tube. Everything was happening so fast.
When Matt arrived they were trying to get another IV in me, just in case I lost so much blood that I needed a transfusion. They couldn't find a vein and we had to leave to the operating room, they would try again upstairs. I was in shock about what was happening, and looking back I cant believe how calm I was. I met the operating room nurses and got ready for my nap.
I woke up an hour and a half later in recovery and the whole ordeal was over. I was told that they had to remove my left fallopian tube, and I lost a litre of blood, but everything went well. They wanted me to stay overnight for observation to ensure my hemoglobin continued to rise, as the surgeon didn't think I needed the transfusion. I saw Matt and we talked, but not too much....I was afraid that if I started to cry, I wouldn't stop.
I didn't really sleep that night, and I was happy when 6am finally rolled around so I could go home with Matt. I was not prepared mentally or physically for what I went through and I am still trying to process everything. Writing helps, but this has been the shittiest week I've ever gone through.
Physically I feel much better, but still have a long ways for a full recovery...I need to be cautious so I don't create scar tissue, making it difficult to get pregnant in the future.
Mentally and emotionally I am struggling.
If you have gone through this I am sorry for your loss, and wish I could wrap my arms around you and cry with you. Just know that you are not alone.
xo
Matt and I knew that we wanted to start trying for a family as soon as we got home, and so we got to work right away. I don't think I realized how excited and ready I was until each month passed and my favorite Aunt Flo would arrive.
And then in happened, June came and I took a pregnancy test and had a positive result. Matt was going to be home from work at 11:00am but there was no way I could wait 3 hours to tell him so I called. We were both so excited.
Later that afternoon I started experiencing the worst cramps I've ever had. They stopped for a few hours and then returned until 1am. I had done a lot of reading about implantation cramping and assumed that's what was happening, but knowing I would need to see a doctor to get a confirmation on the pregnancy I went to a clinic first thing on Monday morning. The doctor confirmed a positive urine test, and I explained my symptoms from the previous evening, he suggested I go to emergency to get bloodwork completed and an ultrasound.
My Beta-HCG levels confirmed pregnancy, but it was still too early on to see anything on either of the ultrasounds they did. The cramps I explained were concern enough for a Ob/Gyn to meet with me and want to do follow up. She talked about her concerns, and sent me away with a lab requisition for bloodwork every 48 hours to ensure my HCG levels continued to rise. Waiting 2 days to get to the lab felt like forever. I emailed the doctor right away so she could watch for the results and get back to us. Thursday arrived and she confirmed that they were still going up...this was likely to be a healthy intrauterine pregnancy and asked me to wait for a call for an ultrasound at 8 weeks.
Weeks 4&5 -I continued to spot, and panic. The spotting would stop and I could breathe again. A few days later...more spotting and less breathing. I know what kind of pregnant person I am....an anxious one!
6 weeks pregnant- I woke up Monday morning and got ready for work, but by the time I drove downtown I was feeling terribly sick, and headachy. I assumed this was the start of morning sickness, but not expecting how awful I felt I cancelled my day and went home to rest. I woke up from a nap around 3pm and went to the bathroom. When I looked down I saw some clotting...I really panicked. I called Matt and headed to the hospital to see a doctor, but while I was waiting to get in I talked myself out of staying because the bleeding had stopped and I was probably overreacting, being the anxious basket case I can be at times. Looking back now, I should have listened to my body and trusted what I was feeling. Hindsight is always 20/20. I didn't sleep that night, I was awake all night stressing and crying because I could feel that something was wrong...I just knew it.
Tuesday morning I was an emotional, weepy mess so I called in sick to work because I knew I wouldn't be able to pull myself together. At 8:30am I started cramping again, but worse than the first time. I was in so much pain that my arms were tingling, everything around me was turning white and I had cold sweats. I got in the truck and drove myself to the hospital, also probably not the best idea. I arrived and called Matt, he was coming up after his shift at 11am. I spent the morning in complete pain trying to be a tough guy and not take any pain meds. Matt was not impressed with me because I was physically wincing in pain each time a cramp would happen. Finally I (Matt) asked for an IV with morphine, and that's where my afternoon gets fuzzy. It must have been around 2pm when the IV was put in my arm, the nurse came back to take my blood pressure a number of times because it was SO low and had a difficult time finding my pulse. I understand and know the feeling and look of someone who is trained to be calm in an emergency situation...I saw that look on the nurses face. She and Matt helped me to stand up and move to a room with a bed where I could lay down. Nurses were coming in and out of the room to ask questions, and see how I was feeling. Matt had to leave to pick up the truck from Toyota. 20 minutes after he left the ER doctor came in with the portable ultra sound, when he looked he saw fluid in my abdomen, I was bleeding internally.
The next thing I know I am meeting with a surgeon who needs to get me into surgery right away because I have an ectopic pregnancy that has ruptured. He asked about blood transfusions, and mentioned removing my fallopian tube. Everything was happening so fast.
When Matt arrived they were trying to get another IV in me, just in case I lost so much blood that I needed a transfusion. They couldn't find a vein and we had to leave to the operating room, they would try again upstairs. I was in shock about what was happening, and looking back I cant believe how calm I was. I met the operating room nurses and got ready for my nap.
I woke up an hour and a half later in recovery and the whole ordeal was over. I was told that they had to remove my left fallopian tube, and I lost a litre of blood, but everything went well. They wanted me to stay overnight for observation to ensure my hemoglobin continued to rise, as the surgeon didn't think I needed the transfusion. I saw Matt and we talked, but not too much....I was afraid that if I started to cry, I wouldn't stop.
I didn't really sleep that night, and I was happy when 6am finally rolled around so I could go home with Matt. I was not prepared mentally or physically for what I went through and I am still trying to process everything. Writing helps, but this has been the shittiest week I've ever gone through.
Physically I feel much better, but still have a long ways for a full recovery...I need to be cautious so I don't create scar tissue, making it difficult to get pregnant in the future.
Mentally and emotionally I am struggling.
If you have gone through this I am sorry for your loss, and wish I could wrap my arms around you and cry with you. Just know that you are not alone.
xo
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