The Art of Being Gentle

It has now been two weeks since my emergency surgery for the ectopic pregnancy, and what a roller coaster it has been. Time is a funny thing, there are some days I wake up and the whole ordeal feels like it was ages ago, but a mere two hours later the wounds become fresh, as if it happened only a few minutes earlier.

There are moments when I feel completely okay, and believe that I should be back to my usual routine of work, gym, and social life...feeling guilty for taking this time for myself. Then there's the moments when my emotions are so raw and gaping that I remember the importance of being gentle with myself during this time.

I have always been the type of person who compares myself to others in order to justify how I am feeling. When I did my 6 month Personal Empowerment Training I would listen to other peoples stories, and feel like I shouldn't be part of the group because things weren't that bad for me, my experiences weren't warranted, although they affected me deeply and had complete power over who I was becoming. I find myself feeling very similar after this experience, I catch my self talk and it sounds something like this,  "Melody, this isn't that bad, there are people out there who are going through far worse that you. Stop this little pity party and get on with it." If any woman I knew went through this same experience I would NEVER say those words to her. I would tell her to take all the time she needed, there is no rush to heal (physically or emotionally), be gentle and kind, be caring and compassionate to yourself. Cry when you feel like it, you don't have to be strong all the time. Ask for support, you are not alone, and remember that you are loved more than you know.

That is the truth....I know it, and I have to remember it everyday. I need to practise being the type of friend to myself that I am to the people in my life.

There are going to be easy days, and hard days. There will be days filled with laughter, and some with tears. There will be times that I am angry, and times that I will be accepting. There will be days I understand, and days that I feel confused. There will be times I feel completely alone, and times that I feel supported and loved. These feelings are normal and I want to feel all of them fully so I can move forward to be healthy in body, mind and spirit.

xo